To become
by lelalemon
Summary: Ayase claims to be a virgin and yet he is a whore. Kanou buys him, Kanou owns him, but Kanou cannot understand him. What happened to make this angel turn into what he is now? Yaoi.
1. The meeting

This is a new story, and will have more chapter. I plan on finishing this story in a timely manner. Thank you for reading.

Also, this is to go for the whole story: I don't own Okane Ga Nai and only wish to use the characters for my own story line.

* * *

Kanou Somuku is cranky. His personal chef has just quit. After discovering she was pregnant she decided to break all ties to the underworld… Mainly Kanou. He wasn't upset. He had even given her a large bonus and wished her the best. But now he was alone and hungry. His phone rings and after seeing who it was he answered roughly.

"What do you want, you damn Okama?" There is a girly giggle.

"Danna-sama, you sound grumpy." Kanou grits his teeth.

"I'm hanging up now." The giggling stops.

"Wait!" Someya yells, "I heard that Maosi-chan quit working for you."

Kanou answers with an affirmative grunt.

"I just got some new material today. There is one that you might like."

Kanou rolls his eyes. Someya was a bit of a trafficker. She would take lower level prostitutes and bring them into the higher paying, higher class, more perverse world. New materials, in her line of work, means new whores.

"What makes you think that I want one of your filthy skanks?" Kanou asks amusedly and puts a cigarette into his mouth.

"Ayase-kun is neither of those things. Blond, beautiful, cooks, cleans, and is a virgin."

Kanou hmms and lights his cigarette. "I'll send Homare Kuba-san to retrieve her." Someya giggles.

"I'll be waiting." Kanou tidies the house after calling Kuba to get his bedmate. The door buzzes and Kubas voice sounds.

"I have Yukia Ayase." Kanou grabs another cigarette. "Send her up."

A moment passes and then there is knocking. "Kanou-sama, I am here."

Kanou opens the door and is faced with the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. "Come in."

Ayase walks in and looks at Kanou. Kanou notes that She has beautiful blue eyes, but she is shaking.

"Someya-chan says you are a close friend, and that I am to do whatever you say," He looks down. "But… please have mercy on me. I've never been with anyone… and I have been told that having sex with men is painful." Kanou listens to the angel speak.

They are silent again for a moment and then Kanou's stomach growls. Ayase giggles nervously. "Shall I make you some dinner first, Kanou-sama?" Kanou nods.

"There's, uh, something in there. Make whatever you can." Ayase nods and walks hurriedly into the kitchen- Happy to have found a way to stall.

He follows behind and watches her chop vegetable for stir-fry. He finally cannot stand it and embraces her from behind.

"K…Kanou-sama, I can't cook if you're holding me." Kanou kisses down Ayase's neck and runs his hand into Ayase's pants. After a moment he jumps back, leaving Ayase blushing and panting.

"You're a man?" Kanou shouts. Ayase nods and tears form at his eyes.

"I… I thought you knew! Someya-sama said it was urgent that I hurried… I thought she would have told you…" He begins to weep.

Kanou was torn between feeling disgusted that he was attracted to a man and hugging him and telling him that he didn't care what gender the angel was. He sits at the table and looks at Ayase. "It's a surprise, but I've already bought you and plan on getting what I paid for." Ayase nods.

* * *

"The… the food is finished." Kanou forgets all about the gender problem when the food is placed in front of him. This is even better than what Maosi-chan used to make!

He eats like a starved man and glances up to see Ayase eating daintily with chopsticks. "Ayase, this food is delicious." He says genuinely. Ayase blushes and smiles like heaven on Earth.

"Thank you very much, Kanou-sama!" Ayase doesn't finish his food. As soon as Kanou is done Ayase puts his chopsticks down.

"I know what you want, Kanou-sama. I... I am ready to fulfill you."

Kanou takes Ayase's hand and leads him into the bedroom. Ayase pulls his shirt off and looks at Kanou. "Have you truly never done this?" Kanou asks.

Ayase nods his head. He undoes his pants and slips them off. "How did you get stuck with that damned Okama, then?"

Ayase is blushing and fingering the waist of his boxes. "It's a long story. Aren't I just here to keep you company?"

Kanou raises an eyebrow to the boys answer. He pulls his own shirt off and walks towards Ayase. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to." Ayase nods and looks at Kanou.

"I'm… I'm not sure what to do next." He admits. Kanou takes his hands and brings them to his pants.

"Pull them down and then stay on your knees." Ayase slowly unbuttons Kanou's pants and pulls them down while gracefully dropping to his knees.

"Now the boxers, but don't stand back up." Kanou instructs. Ayase reaches up and pulls them down, avoiding looking at the man. He keeps his eyes on the floor. He has never seen another man's penis. It is a daunting thought. "N… Now what?" Kanou smiles.

"Look at me, Ayase." Ayase looks at Kanou's face and ignores the large manhood that is near his cheek.

"Ayase, do you really want to be doing this?" Ayase closes his eyes.

"No, but I must! I need to pay Someya-sama back for the money she loaned me." Kanou sighs.

"Get up." Ayase stands up, still staring at the floor.

"You can cook and stuff, though, right?" Ayase nods.

"What if I buy you from her, and then you can stay here and cook for me?" Ayase looks at him.

"Would you really be able to do that? I owe her a lot of money."

Kanou shrugs. "I can handle it."

He kisses Ayase's neck and Ayase can feel Kanou's penis against his hip. "K…Kanou-san…" Ayase whimpers.

"We'll work slowly to that. Kiss me." Ayase bites his lip. He leans forward and kisses Kanou's lips softly.

"Get dressed. I need to call that damn Okama." Ayase dresses himself back into his skin-tight uncomfortable clothes. He sits on the bed and plays with his dirty hair. Kanou finally walks back into the room.

"Kanou-san?" Kanou pets the boy. "I made a deal with the Okama, and you're mine now." Ayase nods.

"Go take a shower. I'll bring you some clothes and then we can go to bed."

* * *

Ayase walks slowly and starts the shower. He undresses and drops the clothes onto the floor.

He steps in and moans at the wonderful feeling of a working shower. It feels much better than filling a bucket and using it to wash up, or using an outside hose. He scrubs his body and washes his hair. He doesn't notice Kanou coming in. "Ayase, I'm leaving some clothes for you on the sink." He says.

Ayase blushes. "Thank you, Kanou-san."

He opens the curtain a bit, expecting Kanou-san to watch him, but he instead sees that Kanou has walked out. He finishes and dresses in clothes that are very much too large for him.

* * *

He walks back to Kanou's bedroom. "Get into bed, Ayase."

Ayase slips into bed beside him. "We're going to be sharing this bed… I hope that you don't mind."

Ayase shakes his head. He has always slept better if there was someone around. At least with this man, Kanou-san, he knew that eventually it would lead to sex, and it wouldn't be such a surprise when it was demanded. He feels Kanou's hand run down his belly. He stiffens up and closes his eyes. Kanou brings him closer into a cuddle and kisses Ayase's cheek.

"Good night, Ayase." Ayase blushes.

"Good night, Kanou-san."


	2. The first

The second chapter, in good time. Thanks to the two people who commented, especially if they had good advise for me.

There is M rated material in this chapter, and it is noncon.

* * *

Ayase wakes before the sun is up. He had decided to do his very best at cleaning to prolong the time before Kanou-san wanted him for sex as well. He begins dusting the shelves in Kanou-san's living room. Many of the objects were tall; much taller than Ayase who stood at just 5'.

He feels arms wrap around him and he jumps; his arms whipping around and hitting Kanou-san in the face. Kanou stands there, not sure if he should be amused or pissed off. He looks into Ayase's eyes; they seem distant for a moment before looking back into his.

"I'm sorry, Kanou-san. You… you surprised me." Ayase says quietly while taking tiny steps away from the man.

"You're lying, aren't you?" Kanou asks, taking large steps forward before grasping the man's shoulders in his hands.

"Why would I be lying?" Ayase asks, wincing from the pain of Kanou's fingernails pushing into his skin.

Kanou smirks. "Yes, why _would_ you be lying?" He kisses Ayase's neck and bites down softly.

"I don't want to do this… Please, Kanou-san," Ayase whimpers.

Kanou moves to the other side of his neck and continues his soft bites. "Please, please, please…" Ayase is crying. Kanou looks at his face, his smirk drops.

"Ayase, what happened to you?" Kanou asks. Ayase breaks from his grasp and walks into the kitchen to begin cooking.

Kanou growls and follows. "Listen to me, you little slut. What right do you think you have to ignore me? I own you!" He flings Ayase onto the table on his back. Ayase yells out in pain but says nothing else.

"Fine, I'll show you how I own you. You are nothing." He pulls Ayase's pajama pants off. Ayase is crying but doesn't move to stop or aid Kanou. He pulls his own pants off and spreads Ayase's legs.

"You were such hot stuff just a minute ago. Do you understand now the position that you are in?" Ayase says nothing, but he has begun sobbing.

**-Start-**

Kanou growls and thrusts into Ayase. Ayase screams and arches off the table. Kanou moans softly and relishes in the heat the Ayase is providing.

Ayase grips the sides of the table and closes his eyes- though it does not prevent the tears.

Kanou begins to move in and out of him, his hands rubbing the manhood that has only began to come to life.

He pounds into Ayase and jerks him off. Ayase begins to pant and comes slightly. Kanou follows after and unleashes himself deep inside of Ayase.

**-Finish-**

Kanou gets up and looks down at the crying man and then over at the uncooked food. He knows that what he just did was wrong. Ayase's bright blue eyes look dead.

"May… May I finish cooking your breakfast now, Kanou-san?" Ayase asks without looking at the man.

"I'll get food on the way to work… Just, rest or something. I'll be back tonight." Kanou closes his pants and carries the boy to bed before leaving.

* * *

Ayase closes his eyes and tries to sleep, but a series of seemingly endless nightmares make it hard for him. The faces of his past… the technicalities… the pain. Why wouldn't it go away? Why did Kanou have to buy him? Why did he have to live through this?

* * *

Kanou sits at his desk without looking at anyone else. The office is silent and nothing is getting done. The Kuba twins would have asked if the boss wouldn't have been giving off a very lethal aura.

He suddenly picks up his phone and dials a number he wishes he didn't know by heart.

"Danna-sama! How nice to hear from you again!" Someya says excitedly. Kanou sighs. "It is very nice to hear from you Someya-chan. Are you busy?"

Someya is completely surprised. "Not for you, Danna-sama."

Kanou runs his hand through his hair. "Tell me more about Ayase." He doesn't hear anything. "Okama, you better be on the line!" He growls.

"I am, Danna-sama. It's just, I don't know much about him… and what I do know, well. He should be the one to tell you. I'm sorry." He hears the dial-tone. He slams his phone closed and picks up his coat.

"Take the day off, boys. I need to go home."

The Kuba brothers look at each other uneasily and shrug as their boss stomps out the door.


	3. Fear

There is noncon in this chapter, and it is rated M.

* * *

Kanou walks through the door. The house is clean and smells of homemade food. He walks into the kitchen and stares at the blond who is watching water boil on the stove silently.

"I'm home." Kanou says suddenly. Ayase jumps and looks at Kanou.

"Ah, welcome home, Kanou-san." He looks down.

Kanou sits and then looks back at Ayase expectantly. When Ayase doesn't look back up Kanou frowns.

"Come here." He pats his lap. Ayase reluctantly sits on him.

"I've tried being nice, and I've been aggressive… but you take it indifferently regardless." Kanou says while pulling the boy close to him. Ayase does nothing.

"Before me, had you ever had sex?" Ayase looks away. Kanou keeps on.

"Why were you with Someya?" Ayase doesn't move. Kanou sighs and stands upp.

"What turned you into this?" Kanou asks without expecting a response.

"Life isn't fair, Kanou-san." Ayase says. Kanou watches him turn his back and begin cooking again.

* * *

After dinner and showers they lay in bed together. Kanou kisses Ayase's neck and unbuttons his shirt. Ayase is panting but otherwise expressionless. Kanou strips his pants from his and looks down at the nude beauty. He notices the scars that surround his wrists and ankles. There are dis-colorings on his neck of bruises or scars. He finds a scarred-on bite mark by his belly button.

Kanou walks away from him and Ayase watches him. "What are you looking for Kanou-san?"

Kanou grabs a box from the top of his closet. "Toys."

Ayase's eyes go wide and he sits up. "P… please! Please, no. I'll do anything else." Kanou brings over a rather average sized dildo. Ayase starts hyperventilating. Kanou runs it up one of his legs to the creamy expanse of his thigh. "Please, please…" Ayase kept chanting. Kanou was baffled by Ayase's reactions.

"Have you ever used one of these before?" when he doesn't get a reply he runs it down Ayase's puckered hole. Ayase flinches away. "He made… he did…"

Kanou tries to decipher what the boy is trying to say. "He did what? Who Ayase?" Ayase says nothing and closes his eyes. Kanou drops the toy over the side of the bed and wraps his arms around Ayase.

"It's gone, Ayase. It's just me now." Ayase whimpers and grasps Kanou's shirt. "Shh, I won't bring them out again. I'll get rid of them, okay?" Ayase nods into his chest.

* * *

They had been laying quietly for a few moments after Ayase's sobbing had stopped. Kanou thought Ayase was asleep.

"I had a sister once." Ayase says softly. Kanou is surprised and starts petting him.

"She was in the hospital, and that's why I was in Someya-san's possession. I needed the money to pay for her bills." Kanou grimaces. "Is she still in the hospital?"

Ayase shakes his head slowly. "She's gone, now." Kanou holds the boy tighter.

"People come and go, Ayase. It's best, for everyone, to accept it and go on." Ayase closes his eyes and bites his lip, willing the sadness and reality to go away.

"I never had any siblings, but I had a mom. My father died when I was too small to remember him. I had a step-father, but he was more than happy to be rid of me." Ayase looks into Kanou's cold face.

Kanou's eyes look into his. They're both exhausted.

"We'll talk more tomorrow. Go to sleep." Ayase cuddles back next to him and contemplates jumping out the bedroom window while Kanou is asleep.

* * *

Ayase tries to get out of Kanou's grasp when he wakes, but only manages to crawl a foot before Kanou grabs him back.

"I think we should talk, Ayase." Kanou says softly.

"I don't want to talk about anything. I'm sorry I freaked out last night. I promise not to do it again. Please just allow me to do what I was purchased to do." Ayase says confidently.

"You weren't really a virgin, were you?" Kanou asks. Ayase glares at him. "Of course I was" Kanou's harsh glare causes his face to crumble. "Technically."

Kanou sits up. "Technically?" Ayase looks away.

"What do you want for breakfast Kanou-san?" Kanou grabs his face. "I'm not hungry, answer my question."

Ayase shakes his face away and looks out the window. Kanou growls.

"Are you going to tell me?" Kanou asks. Ayase shakes his head.

Ayase knows he shouldn't trust anyone. What he'd already told the man was enough for him to hurt Ayase very much. All the times he'd ever trusted someone, they'd hurt him. His parents, his foster family, his first love, his savior... they'd all hurt him. Everyone he has ever loved. His sister hurt the most, though he knows it wasn't her fault. She had held on as long as she could... but...

Ayase is suddenly on the floor. His face hurts unbearably. "I guess I have to teach you a lesson in ownership again." Ayase looks up at Kanou as he brings his foot down and into the boy's stomach. Ayase can't breath for a moment and then is hit in the face again. When Kanou has finished hitting him he kneels down. Ayase's trembling and sobbing and bleeding. Kanou rubs the younger man's behind and moves him into position.

**-Start-**

"You look like a slut like that." Kanou says. Ayase feels humiliated. Always humiliating. Kanou pushes into him, Ayase screams at first and then begins to bite his own hand. It was worth it, all this pain and agony, it is worth it to have been able to have those last moments with her. Kanou grips his hip roughly and pounds deep inside of him. Flashes of the past go through Ayase's mind. He's felt this pain before... he can handle it...

He grabs Ayase's hair and lifts his head. "Do you like this? Like making me be rough?" Kanou growls out.

"No, daddy. I'm, I'm sorry. I'm sorry daddy." Kanou expels himself and pushes Ayase onto his back.

**-Finish-**

Ayase is still mumbling.

"I'm sorry daddy. I'm sorry." Kanou feels tears prickle at his eyes.

He picks Ayase up and holds him. "Shh, I'm sorry. It's Kanou, I'm right here. I'm sorry Ayase."

Ayase closes his eyes and falls into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Kanou heads to work after tucking the blond into bed. He lays his head on his desk.

"Kanou-sama. Do you want us to get rid of the boy? He seems to be having a detrimental effect on you." One of the Kuba twins asks.

"No. I want him, I just wish I understood him." Kanou mumbles.

"We... could research him for you." The other Kuba twin says.

Kanou looks up. "Please." They're stunned and leave the room.


	4. Together but apart

This chapter is rated M.

* * *

Ayase cleans everything. He does not stop to eat or drink; just cleans. His mouth is dry and his lungs burn. He feels like he's been running a marathon and cannot breathe. His body is trembling and feels weak. He used to be able to do even more than this.

"You deserve this, Ayase." He repeats his mantra over and over while he puts his hair up and finishes his cleaning.

He then cooks Kanou's dinner and washes all the dishes. He hears the door open.

"I'm home." Kanou says softly, as if he expects no one to be listening. Ayase walks out and nods at him.

"Dinner is done."

Kanou watches the boy pick at his food.

"Ayase, the food is very good. You need to eat." Ayase takes a small bite, and then gags at the sensation of food. He spits it into his napkin.

"I'm not very hungry Kanou-san. May I go to bed?" Ayase asks exhaustedly.

Kanou nods and watches him stumble into the bedroom. After a few minutes he follows his lead to bed.

"Ayase, are you still awake?" Kanou asks with a soft voice.

Ayase wants to pretend to be asleep, but that has always seemed to make things worse.

"Yes, Kanou-san."

He feels the bed dip beside him and the older man starts petting him.

"I wanted you to watch me throw those toys away." Kanou says. Ayase opens his eyes and watches as Kanou throws the whole box into the trash and take it outside.

"You didn't have to do that." Ayase says. What did the man want in return? He wouldn't just sacrifice something unless he wanted something from him equally as terrible.

Kanou sits on the bed again and kisses him. He runs his hand up Ayase's shirt and then pulls it off.

Kanou moves his lips to Ayase's ear. "Put your hair down."

Ayase knows its Kanou-san, but he just hears _him_.

"Put your hair down, Aya-chan. Be a good boy."

Suddenly he was a young boy again with violet bruised skin. A hand runs through his loose hair.

"My flower…" he jokes darkly.

Tears run down his face. "Please, I'll be good! I promise…" he sobs into his child-like hands.

"Whoever said I was punishing you, Aya-chan?"

Ayase shakes his head, the flashback drifts away. Kanou is sucking on his neck and he notices that they're both naked.

Kanou leans down and enters him slowly, but Ayase is still thinking about the past.

These flashbacks and nightmares were becoming more common for some reason. Did Kanou-san look like _him_? He looks at Kanou, who is in the middle of ecstasy. He is rather tall and strong, but they aren't similar.

Is it Kanou's abrasive personality? Possibly.

Kanou comes inside him and tugs at his hair before lying beside him.

"Why don't you sleep, Kanou-san? I'm going to take a quick shower." Kanou nods as Ayase gets up.

He feels semen slowly crawling down his thigh. He turns the shower on and looks around the drawers. He finds a pair of sharp scissors and steps into the shower.

He washes his entire body and is surprised to find that he isn't bleeding at all from Kanou's pleasuring.

He takes the scissors and cuts his hair as short as he can. He rinses off again and goes to bed.

* * *

He wakes to Kanou-san petting him.

"You cut your hair last night." Kanou notes indifferently.

Ayase nods tiredly.

Kanou pulls it lightly and then runs his thumb over Ayase's lips. Ayase instinctively clamps his mouth shut.

"I can still pull it, so you didn't cut it to save yourself from that pain. Why did you do it?"

Ayase opens his eyes slowly. "I didn't want it anymore."

Kanou sighs. "Talking about it might help."

Ayase snorts. "I doubt it."

Kanou pulls out his cell phone and informs Homare Kuba-san that he will not be in. He hangs up and looks over at Ayase.

"I'm listening." Ayase can feel the panic inside him.

"Kanou, I need to clean." Ayase begins to get up but Kanou hold him down.

"The sooner you talk the sooner we can go on with the day."

Ayase looks frightened and child-like.

"What if we make it a game? You say something about you then I'll say something about me and we can get to know each other better."

Ayase bites his lip and nods shortly. "But you have to start." Ayase says.

Kanou thinks for a moment and says "you're the only man I've ever kissed."

Ayase is only a little surprised. Kanou looks at him expectantly.

"I've never had a pet." Ayase whispers.

Kanou pets him. "I'm allergic to crab." Kanou says.

"I have a tattoo." Ayase admits. Kanou raise an eyebrow. Ayase holds his left hand up and lowers his index and middle fingers. There, on the inside side of his ring finger is a small heart tattoo. Kanou smiles at it.

"I love black berries, and used to grow them as a child." Kanou says.

"I wear size 6 in women's shoes." Ayase giggles softly. Kanou kisses him and then frowns a bit.

"I've killed people." He closes his eyes to shame.

"I've… I did… too." Ayase stutters. Kanou is shocked.

"He had four kids, but he wasn't taking care of them. He borrowed a lot f money form me, but wasn't using it for them and then tried to take off." Kanou says.

Ayase cuddles against him. "She was an infant."

Kanou is surprised. He holds the crying boy.

"Your sister?" Ayase nods.

"Why?" Ayase hiccups and tries to stop his crying.

"To… to set her free." He says.

Kanou gasps at the boys words. "To save her from what you went through?" Ayase nods at Kanou's question. Kanou feels tears fall down his face. "Ayase…"

* * *

Kanou stands in his boxers making food. His angel was still sleeping. He was mulling over the grotesque information he'd gotten about the boy. The Kuba brothers had called earlier with their report.

The information they'd gotten about him said that his real mother had died when he was two of some sort of cancer. His father had given him to a different family when he was eight. They raised him until he was about seventeen, which is when his foster sister was killed. He was out of their hands after that.

What had happened to Ayase during that time? Who had hurt him? He had whimpered for his daddy… but was it his real daddy or his foster daddy? Or was it just some pervert who liked that name? And what was done to the baby sister Ayase had… Had cared for.

Kanou growls. What kind of sick fuckers want to fuck children?

He hears Ayase padding into the kitchen.

He turns and embraces the man,

"I'm almost done cooking. Why don't you sit down?" Ayase sits.

"What's your favorite color?" Ayase asks him.

"Black," Kanou responds. "What about yours?" Ayase fingers his hair. "White."

"What is something you love?" Ayase asks Kanou. Kanou is making them plates of food and answers without thinking. "You." They both freeze and look at each other. Kanou breaks the silent moment first by placing food in front of the man. "What about you?"

Ayase thinks for a moment. "Kittens." He answers sappily.

Kanou sits across from him. "You are bound to stay with me for a good number of years, so this is your home too. Do you want to get a cat?" Kanou asks.

Ayase looks surprised and guilty before he nods his head.

"Could I really get one?" Kanou doesn't really like pets, but he will go through it, if it's for Ayase's happiness.

"Yeah. Why don't we go look for one after breakfast is done?" Ayase smiles wide and nods before digging into his food. He eats more in this breakfast than he had the previous day he'd been living with the man.

* * *

They go to the pound and Ayase looks over all of the animals. He talks to them and pets them and smiles with the cutest smile Kanou has ever seen.

Ayase finally picks out a tiny gray cat with black and gold eyes.

"This one, please." Ayase says. They give them the kitten and Kanou pays the fees.

After thy get home Ayase puts out food and water for the kitten and begins playing with her. He names her Berlin.

Kanou watches his uki play with the kitten and feels his heart warming.

Ayase looks up to see Kanou's smile. He walks over to Kanou and sits in his lap. With a blush, he leans up and kisses the older mans lips.

"I want to thank you… for letting me get her." He kisses down Kanou's neck.

Kanou bites his lip and forces Ayase away from him. Ayase's eyes water.

"I don't want you to think you have to thank me, especially with your body. If you still want to do that for a reason other than thanking, then I'll be more than happy." Ayase looks into his eyes with surprise.

"Thank you, Kanou-san." He sits back down on Kanou and looks down.

Kanou lifts his face and kisses him. Things begin to heat up and Kanou lays Ayase down on the couch.

"Are you ready?" Kanou asks with a rough bedroom voice.

"I'm ready, Kanou-san. Please…" Kanou pushes into him and they both moan.

"I love you Ayase."

Ayase zones out of the situation and finds himself as a child again.

"You know I love you, Aya-chan. Daddy loves you, little Aya-chan." His bottom hurts and it's cold in his room. He begins to cry and scream.

* * *

When he wakes next he's in bed beside Kanou with a white cloth lying across his head. Maybe Kanou deserve some sort of explanation… He sits up only to go back down in pain.

Kanou sits beside him and hastily hands him some pain killers.

"You screamed and then passed out. Take these and we'll go back to bed."

Ayase swallows the pills and cuddles next to him.

"When we wake up… I'll answer your questions." Ayase whispers. Kanou smiles.

"Thank you, Aya-chan. I'd like that."

Ayase shudders and closes his eyes, secretly wishing to never open them again. He owed the man some sex, too.


	5. Explain and leave

There is a lot that goes on in this chapter, so I had to cut it off. The next chapter will start the next morning from where this ends. Thanks, and please enjoy.

I don't own.

* * *

Ayase wakes and looks over Kanou's sleeping body to the clock. It was that it's four thirty in the morning. Ayase sighs and pads to the bathroom. He looks into the mirror and immediately feels the bile rise in his throat. His past is a part of him… does that mean he's self-loathing? He looks himself over in the mirror carefully. Did he _himself_ look like _him_? Ayase touches his face softly. He did… he could see them all in him. They had impounded themselves onto him.

Kanou walks in without knocking; Ayase doesn't acknowledge him. He wraps his arms around Ayase and looks into the mirror and into his eyes. "Being a bit vain, Ayase?" Kanou tries to say lightly.

Ayase looks into his eyes. "I don't feel like I'm really looking at myself… I just see them." Kanou squeezes him and forces him to look back into the mirror.

"What happened back then… that's part of you. You see them because they are a part of you. They are a part, and you are the whole." Ayase watches silent tears fall down his face. He was a compilation of his own past.

Kanou kisses his neck and softly bites his ear. Ayase lets out a small accidental moan.

"Have you ever had sex in the shower? Remember, you said you would answer all my questions honestly, Ayase."

Ayase shakes his head. "I showered at school." He answers simply.

Kanou begins to pull him into the shower and kiss him passionately. "Is it okay?" He asks him.

Ayase nods and looks away from the whore that had been looking into his eyes in the mirror; the whore with the same flesh and the same face as him. He allows Kanou to carry him into the shower and feels the warm water splashing onto his back. Kanou leans Ayase's head, he closes his eyes. Kanou begins to wash his hair softly. He moves down, softly cleaning his face and neck, his chest, his arms. He was tender and loving as he washed all the way down. Ayase couldn't deny that seeing Kanou on his knees washing his feet was a turn on. It tickled Ayase on how throughout Kanou was with him. Kanou rises and Ayase takes the initiative to kiss him.

Ayase mimics his movements, though they seem sloppier than Kanou's. He looks up at Kanou's face and sees a smile. Kanou lifts him up and pushes him against the wall.

Ayase wraps his legs around Kanou's waist and his arms around Kanou's neck. They kill hard and Kanou pushes a finger into him. Ayase leans his head back and pants; the heat and steam of the water with the heat and steam of their activities taking his breath away.

"Now…" he moans to Kanou. Kanou lifts his higher and pushes his member inside. Ayase grits his teeth before biting down on Kanou's shoulder. Kanou grunts and clenches the blonde's hips. He moves slowly, making sure he has his footing and won't fall. They kiss feverishly and move as one against each other. "Kanou! Kanou-san… more…" Ayase groans. Kanou sucks at his neck and pushes into him harder. He feels the blonde stiffen and grip his hair. "Kanou, I'm coming…" He thrusts faster, his hand making its way to Ayase's member. He strokes a few times, fast and hard, before they both see stars.

They don't release each other for fear of falling until the water turns cold. Kanou pulls out and Ayase's knees begin shaking. "Come here. Let's rinse and then I'll make us some breakfast." Ayase shivers as the cold water hits his back.

He shakes his head. "Let's just go back to sleep for a while. You need all the sleep you can get before work." Kanou wraps his in a towel and carries him to bed. "You're really sweet Ayase." He kisses him and closes his eyes.

Ayase closes his eyes and runs a finger over his lips. Kanou's felt good. His kiss was always so warm. Ayase is sore, but fulfilled. Kanou is the latter and a bit worried.

Would Ayase be alright with telling him his secret past? He looks down at Ayase, who is frowning and not asleep.

"Does it hurt?" Kanou asks. Ayase shakes his head.

"No… it felt good, Kanou-san." He says genuinely. Kanou rubs the boy's shoulder.

"Were you a virgin before I got you?" Kanou asks softly Ayase stills.

"How do you define virgin?" he asks Kanou; his voice void of emotion.

"Have you ever willingly, or in exchange for something like prostitution, had sex?" Ayase shakes his head. "Have you ever had sex willingly or not?" Ayase is trembling, but Kanou doesn't know if he is crying or not. He nods.

"Ayase… Who was hurting you? Did they make you join Someya in prostitution?" Ayase shakes his head and Kanou can hear and feel his sobbing. "Who, Ayase?"

Ayase grips Kanou in a hug and tries to stop crying, though he doesn't raise his head from Kanou's chest. "They… they all did! He thought, he thought he was helping me but they hurt me even more!"

He kisses Ayase's forehead. "You're safe now."

* * *

Ayase eventually stops sobbing. He hiccups gently and sniffles. "Do you think you can tell me now?" Kanou asks. Ayase nods slowly.

"My dad… my real dad… he did it first. After my mom died when I was very young until I was eight. He gave me to someone else because he said he didn't want to hurt me anymore, and he killed himself." He shudders and breathes in. "But my new daddy did the same thing to me until I was able to leave at seventeen. My new mommy was okay with what he did. She… she participates…"

Kanou pets him softly and watches him try to take deep breaths. "She got pregnant, but she was in an accident. They were both there. He was arrested for killing whoever they hit and she was in a coma." Kanou is rubbing the boys belly encouragingly.

"They got the baby out and put her into critical care. They said she was hurt… she was brain-dead. I found Someya-san and got a lona so I could keep her alive. I kept her… I kept her on life support until mommy woke up. I couldn't let her have my sister… so I authorized them to stop the machines… and… I…" He sobbing again. "I allowed her body to die." He clenches his hands into fists and feel his finger nails pierce through the skin of his hands.

"Someya-san knows, but she said I was a virgin until I allowed it to happen." Kanou pulls him softly so that he can see his face. "She's right." Ayase sniffles. "You didn't kill her. She was already dead… You just put her to rest."

Ayase doesn't say anything. Kanou feel terrible. He finally got his answers; his horrible, disgusting answers.

Ayase cuddles next to him and cries himself to sleep, followed by a distraught Kanou who is going to be late for work and just doesn't care anymore.

* * *

His sleep is fitful and short. He hears Kanou in the kitchen and hopes he is cooking. His head hurts and he feels weak.

Kanou brings food up. "I brought you some soup, Ayase." Ayase smiles slightly.

"Thank you Kanou-san. That was very kind of you." He eats slowly and ignores Kanou's piercing stare.

"Ayase… I want to take the sex out of our agreement. I don't think it would be fair of me to use you like that. Not when you're indebted for such a noble cause."

Ayase is shocked, relieved and heartbroken. "Kanou-san, I owe you."

Kanou smiles and shakes his head. "Just help me clean and cook and stuff."

Ayase isn't hungry anymore. "Is it because I am dirty?" He asks sorrowfully.

"No Ayase. No." Kanou hugs him. "You're perfect. It's just not right of me. You've been through so much and I'd do anything for you, Ayase."

Ayase opens his eyes wide. Kanou would do anything… for him? Did he not understand how dirty he was? He would do anything? Kanou was beautiful, smart and successful and he thought Ayase was worth anything to him?

Ayase eyes the window again. Being with Kanou is bad He's made him man, sad, lose money and miss work. And now Kanou was even willing to consider his as a human. Kanou had showed him love and Ayase was ruining him.

* * *

Kanou finally begins snoring. Ayase rises and grabs a few items before climbing out the window. He walks across town and gains some bad attention.

"How much, man?" The guy asks him.

"What do you want?" Ayase asks out of confusion. How much for what?

"A blow job. You don't have to swallow." Ayase is shocked. He looks down in shame.

"Twenty dollars and I'll swallow for twenty-five."

The man thrusts thirty dollars at him. He drops to his knees and unzips the man's pants. He looks at the small, erect cock and slowly takes it in. The man holds onto his hair and thrusts in and out of his mouth.

"I'm coming," the man has the decency to warn. Ayase hums and sucks the fluid down with a gag. The man zips up and looks down. "Thanks," he says simply before walking away.

Ayase goes to the trash can near where he had been on his knees and makes his self vomit. The man's essence and Kanou's cooking come up. He stares at his last meal sadly.

He makes it a few more blocks and into a park. He crawls under a park bench and curls up tight.


	6. The Life

Chapter six. Fuck. Yes. If I didn't have dishes and laundry to do and a baby to feed, I'd post chapter seven too. =P Sorryyy.

-Sorry. This chapter was soo rushed, and I couldn't just leave it like that so some of it has been changed.

00000000000000000

Kanou wakes and goes crazy. Ayase is gone! Some of his things are missing too.

Kanou sits on the bed sadly. He really thought they were getting somewhere. Did Ayase not see the love Kanou felt was growing between them?

00000000000000

Ayase finds lowly work scrubbing dishes in a slummy restaurant. He works from morning to night and then turns tricks. He was still hardly making any money.

But he thought, if he was actually working, he wasn't a complete whore, was he? He wasn't what _he_ always said he would be.

His boss was hard driving and questionable. His hands would roam Ayase during work no matter how many times he refused.

It kept him anchored to the Earth. This was life. There was no peace or happiness here, where the humans lived.

He was the bottom or societies chain. The absolute zero. And men like Kanou-san... they were what everyone wanted to be.

What he was doing was for the best. The abuse, the pain, the debasing... it all had a purpose.

"I'll give you five seconds to drop and suck my cock before I fire you and dump you in a river." His boss suddenly threatens one day.

He dropped, sucked, swallowed, got up, and went back to work. This became a daily occurrence.

All he was good for was his body and what he could do with it. He could please men. Nothing more or less, not that there was much less than that.

Finally, a police raid on hiss bosses questionable working ethics resulted in a lack of employment for Ayase. He resorts to full-time prostitution.

He would rather wash dishes than this...

000000000000000

He stands in the alley he frequently uses to pick up work. He's shivering and wishes he had some food.

"Kid, you look cold," the man walking through says. Ayase looks down.

"Just tell me what you want and I'll tell you how much," Ayase responds.

The man smiles. "Actually, I have my own toys. I'm a pimp. I take in prostitutes, give them johns and house them for a cut of the money. Would you happen to be interested?"

Ayase blinks. He would house him and provide him jobs?

"How much of it?" Ayase asks softly.

The pimp leers at him with a grin. "Half the profits and full access to your body."

Ayase bites his lip and nods. The pimp brings him to what looks like a club.

"I'm Jack, by the way. You want a tour?" The pimp asks.

"Yeah. I'm Ayase… thank you for this…" The pimp takes his hand and shows him the different rooms and people around the club. He brings him to a bedroom with two beds and smiles.

"Do you just want to sleep for tonight?" Jack asks. Ayase smiles sleepily and nods. "Thank you." He walks into the room and falls onto the closest bed for the longest and best sleep he's had since Kanou.

00000000000000000

"Ayase, I have your first job ready. Take a fast shower and head to the play room."

Ayase follows his command without question. He'd already questioned the man once… it didn't fair well. He licks his busted lip and showers.

He walks slowly to the play room and is directed to a booth. Two rather aged gentlemen sat there. A different boy that he had not yet met was on the other side of me.

"Hello gentlemen. My name is Ayase." The man closest to him pats his lap and Ayase sits begrudgingly.

"My name is Takieda. It's nice to meet you Aya-chan." Ayase can feel the man's hardness through his pants and he swallows hard. The man's hands begin to wander his body slowly, gropingly.

Ayase glances at the other boy who is also being groped. They're both grimacing.

Ayase's man unzips his pants and pushes Ayase's pants down. He grits his teeth and shuts his eyes. The man pushes in and he gasps.

He watches the other man shoving into the other whore. The older men are both moaning, the whores just grunt and pant. Ayase's man cums first, just having pulled out. They both groan.

The other man is thrusting violently and finally slows. They both get up and thank the men and receive their payments. They walk together back to the pimp.

"You boys did well. Here's your cut." He hands them both some bills. They bow and walk to the bathroom by the room they realize they share.

"That was disgusting," the other whore says. Ayase nods and shoves the bills into his wallet.

"So, what're you doing here?" The boy asks.

"Ran away from my master. Can't do anything else. You?"

The kid lights a cigarette and offers Ayase the pack. Ayase refuses and the kid lies down.

"I was homeless and he saved me from being raped. Let me ease into prostitution."

I turned to my side feeling suddenly sick. I didn't want to admit it, but I missed Kanou.

"I'm Kyo. I'm eighteen." Ayase gasps. Only eighteen? "I'm Ayase. I'm twenty."

The kid rolls over and extends his hand. "Friends?" He asks hopefully. Ayase shakes his hand with a smile and nods.

0000000000000000000

Kyo had been right. Jack did ease all his toys into the world of paid perversion. He started with easy, straight-laced (no pun intended) and basic sex to the more dark side of things.

"Kyo, can you help me?" Ayase asks softly. He is in a sluttish blue plaid school-girl outfit. "I'm supposed to have braided pigtails… and I'm not sure how to do it."

He smiles and sits me in front of him. He combs Ayase's hair and begins to braid it. "I'll braid loosely so it doesn't hurt when you're lying down." Aya smile at his consideration. He finishes and lets Ayase get up.

"You look cute." Ayase blushes at the statement and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

When he arrives at the play room he is directed to a new booth. Two men, but no other whores.

"Come here," the man at the back says. Ayase crawls over and the man unzips his pants. "Suck." He commands.

Ayase lowers his head and takes him in. The other man rubs his butt and lifts his skirt. He takes no time to prepare and pushes in.

The man in his mouth grips his hair. "Oh God, baby, take me in..." he moans. Ayase sucks harder until he cums. Ayase spits into the floor and the man fucking him pulls him into his lap.

"Nnn…" Ayase groans as the man enter deeper.

"Moan for daddy. Gah, you feel so good." Ayase's mind goes blank." Come on baby, moan for daddy." _His _voice says.

"D… Daddy…" The man grunts and finished. They pay him and he walks in a daze to his pimp.

"How'd you do?" Ayase looks at him. "I pleased daddy." Jack smiles and hands Ayase some money.

Ayase walks into his room and begins sobbing. Kyo rushes into from the bathroom and grabs him.

"Fuck, are you okay? Did they hurt you?" Ayase shakes his head.

"Daddy… He made me moan for daddy…" He grips his shirt tightly and cries.

00000000000000

Kyo holds Ayase all night and pets him softly. There was something wrong with Aya, but he didn't know what.

Ayase has a fitful night and keeps calling for the one thing that makes it all better… Kanou-san.

Kyo finally wakes him. "Sweetheart, I think you were having a nightmare." Ayase nods and cuddles close to him.

"You have a problem with your dad?" Kyo asks curiously. Ayase nods. "Did he hurt you, Aya?" Ayase begins to cry again.

Kyo kisses his forehead. "My uncle used to hurt me. I told a teacher at school who told my parents. My father beat the shit out of me… said I was a lying slut. He kicked me out of the house. That's how I ended up here." Ayase wraps his arms around Kyo and looks into his eyes.

"It's okay to cry, Kyo-chan." Kyo's eyes water and he nods his head. They watch the sun come up through the blinds and cuddle silently until they know they have to leave the room. It's another day, another john or five.

But today was going to be interesting.


	7. Bound

This is chapter three. There is violence and non-con and a tiny smidge of something close to fluff. Please review when you're done, and thank you!

* * *

Kyo knocks on Jack's door. "Who is it?" Jack asks.

"It's Kyo… can we talk?" Kyo steps away from the door and watches it open. Jack ushers him to sit down and he shuts the door.

Jack looks concerned. "Is something wrong?" Kyo bites his lips.

"It's about Ayase." Jack nods and Kyo goes on. "Do you remember me telling you about my Uncle Charu?"

Jack nods again. He'd felt horrible when Kyo told him.

"Ayase's father…" Kyo says. Jack sighs. "Last night he said they made him call them daddy. He cried all night."

Jack nods. He had seemed off when he'd reported back.

'_I pleased daddy,' _he had said.

"I understand. Thank you Kyo." Kyo bows and begins to leave, but is pushes aside by one of Jack's guards rushing in.

He stops in front of Jack's desk and pants. "Ayase… he's bleeding all over in the play room."

* * *

Ayase is in a booth with a single man. He's a younger man than most Ayase's had. He has a sadistic gleam in his eyes that scares Ayase.

"Have you ever tried fisting?" The man asks Ayase. Ayase's eyes grow wide and he shakes his head.

The man pulls Ayase and lays him on his belly. "I can't do that. That's not what you paid for. If you want a different escort, I can go get you one who does kink," Ayase says while trying to get up.

The man holds up a knife. "Do you think I want someone loose? Where's the fun in that?"

Ayase sits up quickly and wants to scream. The man puts the knife to his throat. Ayase is crying, but he doesn't make a sound. The man puts a gag in his mouth and flips him so that he's on his hands and knees.

He feels the man begin. I single gloved finger turns into much more, and all too soon.

* * *

Ayase is bleeding too sore to move. The man pays him, removes the gag and leaves.

A body guard opens the door and frowns. Ayase is bleeding heavily. He picks him up and caries him to the bathroom.

He runs to the office to alert Jack. Jack and Kyo run to the bathroom.

Kyo runs a bath and Jack inspects Ayase.

"He was brutal… This could even be considered torture."

They lower Ayase into the bath and Kyo begins to wash him gently.

"What happened?" Kyo asks. Ayase says nothing but looks at Jack.

"The money is in my pocket in the booth." Jack frowns.

"Watch him, Kyo," Jack says before walking away.

Kyo gently scrubs Ayase's back. "Can I have a cigarette?" Ayase asks numbly.

Kyo nods and puts one in his mouth and lights it for him.

Ayase inhales deeply and coughs out a breath.

"They burn more than I thought they would," Ayase remarks offhandedly.

Jack comes back with clothes for Ayase. "Are you okay?" Jack asks softly.

Ayase takes another drag and nods. Jack sighs and sits on the counter.

"You need to talk to someone Ayase."

Ayase does nothing. Jack leaves silently and Kyo helps Ayase dress.

They lie down and cuddle.

"Ayase, I need you. There are two jobs left for you tonight," Jack says. Kyo sits up.

"I'll do it for Ayase so he can rest," he offers.

Jack shakes his head.

"This next one is only a blow job, and he specifically asked for a blonde. Ayase is the only blonde we have here."

Ayase gets up. "Thank you Kyo, but if I'm going to become used to this, I can't hold back."

He follows Jack to the play room. "If he asks for more, say no, okay little bunny?" Ayase nods and opens the door.

It's a priest. Is this a joke?

"Hello father," Ayase says softly.

The man waves him in. Ayase walks up to him and drops to his knees to undo the man's pants.

The priest goes no further than rubbing Ayase's butt while Ayase sucks him off, and Ayase is glad.

When Ayase finished he sits back. "Father… May I?"

The priest pulls his clothes back on and stands before nodding.

"Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. I'm a filthy soul," Ayase says.

The priest pats his head. "You are forgiven, my child. We all sin. You are a good but wayward soul," he responds. "God will always love you, no matter what you're doing."

Ayase looks up; he feels tears falling down his face. He nods and thanks the man.

The priest pays him, though he tries to refuse.

Ayase walks to Jack's office after calming himself down. He hands Jack the money.

"How'd it go?" Ayase sits.

"It was okay. He was a priest." Ayase looks down.

"Did he forgive you?" Jack asks knowingly. Ayase nods.

"Rest. You're being sent out in a few hours."

Ayase frowns. "Sent out?"

Jack nods. "A friend of mine asked for someone, and you sound perfect."

Ayase sighs. "I'm sorry, Ayase. You are what most men want. You're due to be very busy."

Ayase nods. He goes back to his room and sobs into Kyo's chest.

"Shh, Aya-chan. It'll be alright. You'll make a ton of money and you'll be able to leave sooner than anyone else."

* * *

Jack comes to wake him up several hours later.

"You're being sent now, little bunny. Wake Kyo also. He's going with you."

Ayase wakes Kyo so they can clean up and leave.

They get into the car and Jack drives them.

"Aya, Kyo- this is the brother of one of my best friends. He won't pay you, but I will. You will obey him like dogs, alright?"

They both nod in agreement.

"I'm counting on you guys. I know you can both do it."

Kyo takes the address and leads the way.

Ayase yawns and drags his feet.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" Kyo asks.

Ayase nods. "It's going away now," he says sleepily.

* * *

Gion had called Kanou earlier in an attempt to get his friend out of his depression.

"Gion, I do not want a prostitute," Kanou says glumly.

"My friend was describing his newest whore… I think you'd like him. Plus, it would be on me."

Kanou sighs and finally agrees.

"Be ready for him. He'll be here in ten."

Gion leaves and Kanou begins to tidy up with a sense of déjà vu.

* * *

Kyo grabs Ayase hand when they get to the door. He knocks but his eyes stay directed at the floor.

The door opens and the man gasps. Kyo looks up at a very handsome man who is staring at Ayase.

Ayase looks up, his eyes widen. "Kanou-san?"

Kyo looks between the two of them. "We were sent by Jack… May we come in?"

Kanou nods but their eyes never leave the others.

The door closes and Kyo clears his throat. "I am Kyo. It seems you already know Ayase."

Kanou finally looks at Kyo. "Come into the bedroom."

Kanou leads them inside and tells them to strip and sit on the bed.

"Long time no see, Ayase," Kanou says venomously. Ayase just closes his eyes.

"I woke up and you were just gone. You left me to become a whore?"

Ayase glares at him. "I was already a whore, Kanou-san." Kanou moves his glare from Ayase to the silent Kyo.

"Are you his friend?" Kanou asks. Kyo nods. Kanou backhands him. Kyo falls and Ayase gasps.

"Kanou-san!" he runs to Kyo's side.

"Move Ayase. That's an order," Kanou says.

Ayase clings to Kyo. "Why hurt him? It's me you're angry at," Ayase reasons.

"You don't care about yourself. The only thing you've ever done is debase yourself… but you care about others." Kanou grabs Kyo up by the hair. Kyo gasps in pain.

"Kanou, leave him alone!" Ayase yells.

Kanou throws Kyo down and towers over him.

"Should I fuck him like your dad did to you? Maybe he's hurting too." He looks into Kyo's eyes. "Did daddy hurt you? Maybe a brother or an uncle?"

Kyo's eyes tear up. "You're an abused soul, aren't you?" Kanou looks at Ayase. "I can break him, Ayase." He looks back down at Kyo.

"Do you want to spend time with uncle Kanou?" Kyo begins to cry and shakes his head.

"Kanou, I'll do whatever you want. Just leave him alone."

Kanou stops staring at Kyo and looks back at Ayase. Kyo curls up on the ground and sobs.

"I want you Ayase! Did you not understand?" He punches Ayase in the face and gets on top of him. "I tried to take care of you…"Ayase's pants come off. "I opened up to you…" Kanou's pants are next. "I tried to take sex out of the agreement…" He positions Ayase. "I loved you!" He pushes deep inside.

Ayase is stunned by his words at first. Love?

He screams and his face is pushed against the floor.

"You're so fucking loose. Tighten up," Kanou growls. Ayase doesn't move. Kanou moves in and out of him before stopping roughly.

"Hurry up or I'll take him," Kanou threatens. Ayase tightens himself and sobs quietly. How had Kanou known about Kyo's uncle? Why did he have to hurt him like that?

Ayase watches Kyo still shaking. Kanou grunts and expels inside of him. He's hard again already.

"Tell me about all your johns." He pushes back inside and listens to Ayase hiss.

Ayase lists his escapades; Kanou finally cums again.

"Are you so loose from the fisting?" Kanou taunts. Kyo looks at Ayase.

"It that why you were so bloody?" Kyo asks him sadly. Ayase nods and snaps from his reverie.

Kanou looks sad for a moment. "He hurt you?" He asks Ayase. Ayase's tears continue to drop.

"It was unbearably painful," he sniffles.

Kanou wraps his arms around Ayase. "Then come back to me! I love you!" Kanou pleads.

Ayase laughs in a way that chills Kyo's bones.

"I would rather be fucked and torn by strangers then be raped by someone I love. I spent my whole life in that pain. Being with a stranger… even if they torture me… could never compare to that hell."

Kanou goes blank. He handcuffs Ayase to the bed and looks into his eyes. Ayase's eyes are as cold as steel.

"Take what you can, Kanou-san."

Kanou turns to Kyo, who has been watching the past events. He walks over and picks him up.

"Leave him alone Kanou!" Kanou backhands Ayase and sits Kyo on the bed.

"Kanou-san, stop!" Ayase continues to yell.

Kanou pulls Kyo's shirt off.

"If you truly loved me you wouldn't fuck my friend!" Ayase cries.

Kanou looks at Ayase.

"I'm not going to fuck him. At least not right now."

Kanou punches Kyo in the face and allows him to fall to the ground.

"I think I'm going to see if I can keep you two all weekend. If you won't stay with me and be happy, Ayase… I'm make sure you're miserable without me."


	8. Leashed

"Kyo, get up. You need to get out of here." Ayase whispers harshly. Kyo crawls over to the bed and tries to break the handcuffs. "Kyo, just go. Please, you have to run!" Kyo kisses Ayase and promises to get help and runs. Ayase can hear the front door come open and slam shut. Kanou walks into the bedroom and places his phone on the bedside table.

"I called Jack. Told him I liked it rough and that Kyo couldn't handle it. He promised not to disrupt us." Ayase snorts. "I already knew he wouldn't." Kanou gently moves Ayase's hair out of his face. "It's gotten longer." Ayase says nothing.

Kanou sighs and puts his head in his hands. "Ayase, I wish you could just love me." Ayase closes his eyes. "I almost could have." Kanou looks at him. "Where's my cat?" Kanou looks around the room. "Probably on the couch." Ayase sighs. "I'll stay with you, Kanou. I won't run away, I won't fight you. But I don't think I will ever be able to love you."

Kanou nods. "I guess that's a start. I'll call Jack again." Kanou grabs his phone and calls Jack's place. He explains that he will be keeping Ayase. Jackl wants to talk to Ayase first. Kanou undoes a cuff and hands him the phone.

"Yes?" Ayase asks sadly. "Are you staying because you want to?" Jack asks. He sounds very concerned. "Yes. He's been my master all along. I've merely been returned." Ayase answers without looking at Kanou. "I can come get you." Jack says. "Kyo told me he was torturing you. Just give me the word, Ayase, and I will come for you." Ayase smiles. "Tell Kyo I love him. Good bye, Jack."

He ends the call and hands the phone back to Kanou. He lies back and puts his arm back up, into position to be cuffed.

"Are you tired?" Kanou asks. Ayase shrugs. Kanou bites his lip. "You can get up. I'll uncuff you." Ayase doesn't move. Kanou undoes the other cuff and looks down at him. "Do you want to take a shower?" He asks softly. Ayase nods. He gets up slowly and Kanou follows him inside.

He undresses in front of Kanou without batting an eyelash and gets into the shower. "You've changed a lot, Ayase. You used to be bashful." Ayase stands still and allows himself to just feel the water. "I am a pet; there is no reason to be embarrassed. If I cannot do what my master wishes, there is no reason for me to live." Kanou frowns. He doesn't like to see Ayase submissive. He liked hearing his opinions. He liked his personality.

He walks out of the bathroom after locking the bathroom window. He wasn't going to let Ayase get away this time. He even planned on keeping him under lock while he was at work, somehow. He still had the rest of the weekend to figure it out.

Ayase walks out of the shower and dries himself off. He walks out of the bathroom wrapped in the towel and steps in front of Kanou. "May I have clothes, Master?" Kanou grits his teeth. "Stop acting like that. You're… I love you. You're not just a pet to me." Ayase looks up at him without any emotion. "People can love their pets… Or at least they can think it. And then they complain when they have to feed or water it. They say love, but it only takes a few weeks to get over their loss and move onto another." Kanou is at a loss for words. He walks into the bedroom and opens the closet. The clothing Ayase had brought, as well as what Kanou had bought for him, was still in the closet.

"Here," he says to Ayase simply. Ayase picks up the shirt he had been wearing when he met Kanou and a pair of boxers. He slips them on and turns to go to bed. Kanou gets dressed and lies next to him. "Ayase… I'm sorry, but I… I don't want you to leave me again." He doesn't have to say anything else- Ayase puts his arm out. Kanou handcuffs his wrist to the bed.

Line

Kanou wakes up and looks at Ayase's sleeping form. His wrist is bruised and bent oddly. Kanou uncuffs him and holds the arm delicately on his lap. His uke doesn't stir. He wants to cry. The object we wishes most to possess is something he can never truly own. Not only that, but just keeping him near is hurting him.

He lies back down, softly holding the hand he hurt. The fingers woven around his squeeze lightly. "May I use the bathroom? I waited all night." Kanou lets go of him quickly. "Of course. You should have woken me." Ayase rolls out of bed and pads to the bathroom. Kanou sits up and sighs. He knew what he should do. He knew the right thing to do would be to let him go.

Ayase returns and lies down. He raises his arm and looks into Kanou's eyes. Kanou does nothing. "Kanou-sama?" Kanou grabs the arm, gently, and lowers it. "Just relax." He kisses Ayase but stops as Ayase does not respond. Kanou gets up and holds a hand out to Ayase. Ayase doesn't question it, merely takes the hand and follows.

line

Kanou leaves for work Monday morning after showering with Ayase and making them both breakfast. He kisses Ayase softly and fastens a collar to his neck. "If you walk out of the door, this will shock you. It will continue to do so until you come back inside. I want to to test it right now so you will know how painful it is."

Ayase gapes at Kanou. This was scary… "I promise not to try, please?" Kanou shakes his head. Ayase closes his eyes; he will not cry. He takes a quick step outside of the door and can feel the shock go through him. It is constant and hurts. He screams and tries to rip it off of his neck. He's on his knees and can't seem to make his legs work.

Kanou grabs him, seeming to be unaffected by the shock and pulls him inside. Ayase is panting. His neck is bleeding from where he tried to claw the collar off. Kanou doesn't look happy. He tilts Ayase's head up and locks the collar in place.

"The only way to take it off is with a key, and I have the only one." Ayase nods. "I… I will not leave." Kanou kisses him again and leaves the house. Ayase touches the collar and it shocks him lightly. He begins to cry.

Line

When Kanou comes home he finds Ayase on the floor in the bedroom. He is on his side. "Ayase?" He calls hesitantly. Ayase looks at him sadly.

"What are you doing on the floor Ayase? Why aren't you in bed?" Ayase extends his arm out and scratches his kitty behind her ear. "I am a pet. Pets do not belong on the bed."

Kanou sighs and sits on the bed. "I had a long day Ayase." Ayase sits up and looks at Kanou. "Come onto the bed, Ayase." Kanou says softly. Ayase crawls onto the bed and sits beside him. "Make me feel better." Kanou says, almost pleadingly. Ayase thinks for a moment and then crawls behind him. He places his hands gently on Kanou's shoulders and waits for a reaction. When Kanou says nothing he begins to massage them. Kanou moans appreciatively and leans into Ayase's touch.

Ayase leans against him and they both jump when the collar shocks them. "Sorry…" Ayase mutters, trying not to show his pain. Kanou pulls him into his lap. "Has it been going off like that?" Ayase nods. Kanou takes it off of him and adjusts it. "There. Now it will only go off if you try to escape." Ayase holds his hair up and allows Kanou to place the collar back on him.

Line

They have already eaten. Ayase made them a simple, though delicious, dinner. Kanou takes Ayase's hand gently but strongly and leads him to the bedroom. He says nothing as he looks at the bed and then continues his gaze at Ayase. Ayase understands what he's trying to say. He takes a few steps toward the bed and, as nonchalantly as he can, undresses. When he is nude he crawls onto the bed, on his belly, and grips the sheets waiting. He refuses to look back, even when he doesn't hear Kanou moving.

He feels Kanou rub his butt, his grip tightens. Kanou runs his hands along Ayase's back and through his hair. He continues petting Ayase and moves back down. He massages Ayase's back and, without meaning to, Ayase moans softly.

Kanou kisses his shoulder blades softly and moves down his back while massaging. Ayase lets go of the sheets and sighs softly. One of his hands moves down softly and rubs his butt while the other continues to rub his back. Ayase doesn't tense up.

Kanou grabs lotion and puts it on Ayase's back. He begins to rub it in and uses the other lotion covered hand to prepare Ayase to take him. He slowly inserts a finger into Ayase, which causes him to groan. "Does it hurt? I promise it will be better soon." He gets more lotion and then enters two fingers. Ayase finds his body leaning back toward Kanou's fingers. Kanou continues to massage Ayase's back.

Ayase whimpers and Kanou turns him around. He is on his back with his legs wide open. Kanou kisses him softly and Ayase pulls him on top of him.

Kanou opens his legs gently; running his hands along his inner thighs softly. "Are you ready?" Kanou asks huskily. Ayase whimpers and begins to whine. Kanou pulls Ayase's bottom closer and inserts himself gently. Ayase grips his shoulders and looks into his eyes. Kanou is breathless for a moment and then completely sheaths himself inside with a sigh and a gasp.


	9. Freedom comes at a cost

Ayase lies on his back and stares at the ceiling. He's chained to the bed again. His wrist is beginning to welt from the sweat and the friction.

Kanou had been so gentle with him. He had seen the remorse in Kanou's eyes when he was chaining him. The tiredness that was probably caused by guilt. He had apologized; kissing Ayase all over and begging forgiveness. "I just can't lose you. I can't. It would break me… Do you understand?"

And now Kanou was snoring softly beside him. Ayase couldn't sleep. He knew there was a problem now. He had told Kanou he would never love him; never forgive him. But what if Kanou was going to be like this? What if Kanou was going to be loving and tender? What if Kanou really loved him?

But no… This isn't love. You don't cage the one you love. You don't put a collar on them. You don't chain them to your bed! Ayase whimpers and turns over, jostling his wrist and hissing. He needs to go to the bathroom and he would like to shower.

He tries to get his wrist free but to no avail. He thought about waking Kanou, but he knew that Kanou wouldn't just let him go shower on his own. He takes a deep breath in and makes his hand as small as possible.

He begins to pull it out, he can feel it scraping already cut and bruised flesh. He waits another moment and pulls as hard as he can. He hears snapping and lets out a cry of pain. Kanou rolls over in his sleep, but is still sleeping. Ayase holds his injured hand to his chest and makes his way to the bathroom for a shower.

* * *

Ayase showers with his good hand. He washes his hair and runs soap all over his body. The water does wonders for relieving the ache he feels. The shower curtain is ripped back and Ayase jumps. Kanou grabs him by his hurt wrist.

Ayase falls onto the ground, but Kanou doesn't let go. He's crying and begging for Kanou to let go. "How did you get free?" he asks harshly. Ayase tries to stand but Kanou wraps his arm around behind him and holds him down.

"I slipped my hand out… I think it's broken…" Ayase answers. Kanou inspects it softly. "I would have to agree. Why did you do that? Why couldn't you have woken me?" He asks sadly. Ayase closes his eyes. "I just wanted to use the bathroom and shower. I knew that if I woke you, you would insist on watching me to make sure I wouldn't leave." Kanou flips him over and dries his face. Ayase opens his eyes. "I didn't leave."

Kanou kisses him softly. "I'll just have to start restraining you better. And you're right, I would have watched you. You haven't earned back my trust yet. And let me tell you, this was not the way to try."

Kanou scoops the boy up and tosses him onto the bed. "Sometimes I think you like it when I'm rough with you. I think you need something to focus on."

Ayase hears his father's voice again. "You like it rough, don't you sonny boy?" Ayase whimpers. "My father use to say that to me." He mumbles. He feels Kanou's hands still. "He used to ask me that when he was raping me." Kanou sighs and covers Ayase up before joining him in bed.

"Tell me about it." Kanou said. Ayase turns away from him, but Kanou pulls him to his chest. "He used to call me 'sonny boy'. In the beginning, I fought back. And that would just entice him to be rough. When I stopped fighting… that's when he gave me away. He said he could tell that he had hurt me."

Kanou threads his fingers through the boy's hair. "I'm sorry, Ayase." Ayase shrugs. "It's not your fault you're just like them."

Kanou stills. "Am I always?" Ayase knows what this means. He can lie, right now, and probably break Kanou's heart… or he can tell the truth… and reveal his feelings to Kanou.

"Not always, Kanou-san…" He takes the plunge and turns around so that he can look into Kanou's eyes. "When you're nice… when it's sweet… then you're just Kanou-san." Kanou kisses him softly. "So if I am soft… If I can be patient, do you think you could love me?" Ayase wipes his eyes.

"I think I could…" Kanou kisses him again excitedly. "Will you help me, Ayase? Help me be patient by being there for me? Offering yourself when you want it rather than hiding for me and forcing me to guess?" Ayase nods softly. He could give himself to this man. There was nothing else he could do with his life.

* * *

And though Kanou showered Ayase with kindness and patience, Ayase did not feel any happier. Kanou offered to take him to showers, plays, movies… but Ayase wanted nothing more than to sleep. Kanou didn't ask him to cook or clean anymore, but he did it. Kanou even offered to hire a maid, but Ayase gave him one of the sad smiles he'd so recently become used to and said "I need something to feel worthy about. I need this."

Kanou didn't press the issue. He had stopped handcuffing Ayase to the bed at night, opting to leave the collar on full-time instead. And Ayase opened himself every night to the man, whether he made advances or not.

But Kanou could tell, as he watched the boy sleep for hours, clean, cook, and promptly decline his own meal… He was depressed and he wasn't getting better. This plagued at his mind like nothing he could remember.

He watched the boy mop the floor, but he knew for a fact that he could've walked on it with white socks and had them end just as pure. He slowly makes his way into the kitchen and grabs the mop.

Ayase looks up at him with questioning eyes. "What's wrong, Kanou-san?" Kanou shakes his head, feeling tears close to coming.

"I need you to go pack your things." Ayase looks confused for a few moments before making his way into their room. Kanou sobs softly and watches the tears splash on the floor.

He makes his way to the bedroom. "I've been paying rent at your apartment even since you lived here," he tells Ayase. Ayase looks at him with wide eyes. "I'm going to have Homare take you back. You're free, Ayase."

Ayase runs to Kanou and hugs him tight. Kanou places a kiss on the boy's head and walks away. He goes to the spare bedroom and brings with him every ounce of alcohol they had in the house. There was no way he could get through this sober.

Ayase stands in the doorway with his bags at his feet. "Thank you, Kanou-san." Kanou smiles softly. "I love you Ayase." Ayase kisses his lips softly. "I know."

Ayase retreats from the house and into the car waiting below. He never thought the day would come where he was free. He never thought he would be happy again… Now the only thing missing was Kanou-san…


	10. And I am NOT a toy

Ayase is home. All of his old belongings are here, as well as everything else he had acquired at Kanou-san's house. He was given a cell phone and told not to worry about anything. Kanou is going to pay all the bills for his home and deposit money into an account for him every few weeks so that Ayase would have money to do whatever he needed.

Kanou also agreed to pay all of the tuition for Ayase's school, if he decided to return. Ayase shrinks into the floor and cries. How was it that even when he was away, even when he had won his freedom, won their game… Kanou still was the victor?

Ayase was honestly at a loss for what to do. The only thing he is used to is use itself. Now that he was free he didn't want to depend on Kanou or his father or any other man! He wants to earn his own living, make his own life and be worthy in his own stance.

He decides that he will go back to school, but he isn't going to allow Kanou to pay for it. It is none of Kanou's business what he does. He's an adult now and more than able to take care of himself, he hopes.

Lineline

Kanou tries to move on. He resists the urge to check the boy's phone records. Instead, he wires the bill to an account just for Ayase that he has no access to. He deposits the money for Ayase into his account and doesn't check the balance or where he spends it.

It's none of his business. Ayase is his own man and not his property. Ayase is not his lover. Ayase is not his friend. Ayase is not his pet. Ayase is Ayase, and that was all.

He tries not to dwell on it at work, because once the man is on his mind, nothing else works. He doesn't dwell on it at home because that will only depress him.

This was once his angel's home. Forcibly, through prostitution, through guilt, but it was still his home.

Home is an important concept. Hitler justified his invasion of Europe as necessary expansion of living space, or Lebensraum.

Kanou sighs. Life just wasn't worth living anymore.

lineline

Ayase comes home tired. He'd worked an honest job and gone to class. He was proud of himself, that much was true. But it felt like he was trying to prove himself to everyone when there was no one around to care.

He gets into bed and feels like weeping. He grabs his phone and hesitantly calls Kanou. Kanou answers immediately. "Do you ever miss me?" ayase asks. Kanou lays down in bed and relishes hearing his angel's voice.

"All the time," Kanou answers honestly. "Do I really matter? Wouldn't any other whore do?" Kanou shakes his head. "Only you, Ayase," he answers honestly. ayase is crying opening and Kanou can feel tears falling from his eyes too.

"I just want to be worth something!" Ayase tells him. Kanou listens to him rant and sob. When the blond is quiet Kanou speaks. "Will you come back? It will be different..." Awayse thinks about it.

"I would want to contribute. And my say would have to matter," Ayase stipulates. Kanou is overcome with happiness. He would give anything for this to happen.

lineline

The blond shows up the next day with few items from his home. Kanou pulls him into an embrace. "I'm done with the past. I'm not going to let you, or anyone else push me around anymore." Kanou nods and helps carried his things into the house.

They both keep to their promises. Kanou has changed, for the most part. It wasn't that he became a different person. It was more of a harmony. Now that Ayase was more assertive Kanou could finally relax.

You tend to feel less nervous about something that can fall and get back up in one piece. Ayase was no longer a little china doll that would shatter. He was a man and if you knocked him down, you'd better be ready to deal with it.

And Kanou would be there when life pushed him down, just in case he ever did break.


End file.
